Saalon‘s just posted an intriguing diary entry; he posted the first part of a story, and hopefully, future installments will continue it. It’s a sort of epic fairy tale. He’s asked for my comments, so I’m providing a critique here.
It’s very, very interesting. I like the idea of
I liked it, overall. It was suitably evocative for that…errrr…I don’t quite know what style that is. To me, it fits that “long fairy tale” form, where the story is actually quite lengthy, but still maintains a minimum of extraneous details — we’re probably not going to learn much about muridaen (Latin for “rat”) politics. So, the story thus far fits that storytelling style quite well.
I like the names. Birgold’s a good, solid Norse name, though in my case, the name reminds me too much of that of Eric Idle’s character Burthold from The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, which made me giggle to imagine Eric Idle lumbering around as a gruff,
I felt that the second and third paragraphs were laying too much
I have one other little nitpick: I worry that the “next episode” teaser gives away a little too much. Unless the teaser is supposed to be that specific.
So. Besides those little issues, I really like the story. I want to know what happens to
Good on ya, mate!