January 7, 2005

Held the Redemption card club tonight. ‘Twas a good night, filled mostly with older kids: Nik, Matt, Gret, and Richard, in addition to the four Davis’. Plus Gret’s little sister and Dad.

I had a great time, though I’m usually monkey-in-the-middle on Fridays. Everyone wants to ask me a question or get my opinion or find out if I’ve seen a movie. Not that I’m complaining; it’s great.

I did manage to sneak in another episode of Zeta Gundam, which is getting ever more interesting. The main character, Kamille, is a bit of a nutjob. He overhears a mild insult from a soldier, and proceeds to punch the guy. After he’s arrested, he gets into another fight with the same officer but manages to slip away when a Gundam crashes into the building they’re in. Then he steals a Gundam, uses it to intimidate and laugh at the officer who insulted him, then uses it to defect to the bad guys (at least, I think they’re the bad guys; it can be hard to tell in Gundam shows). I can’t tell if he’s confused or evil.

I am never going to get anything done this week.

I overslept this morning, so I had no time in the morning to exercise, read the Bible, read a poem, or get breakfast, as I usually do. As a result, my entire day was off-balance. I need those things to center me.

Which is perhaps not an entirely good thing. Oh, there’s nothing wrong with comforting routines in themselves, but I’ve begun wondering if I depend on them too much.

I’ve realized lately that I’m poor at embracing uncertainty. When I’m faced with a situation that makes me anxious, I tend to freeze up. This happens to me a lot at work; if I have to do something new, I need some time to get used to it.

I think I’d do well by training myself to accept uncertainty. How to Think like Leonardo da Vinci suggests putting yourself in situations that make you mildly anxious—drive down a road you’re unfamiliar with, strike up a conversation with a stranger—and simply monitor your emotional and physical reactions. Learn what anxiety feels like, so you can recognize it when you have even a mild reaction.

Anyvay. Despite my off-kilter day (and tiredness), I had a productive day at work, followed by a wonderful dinner with my parents (my treat for their assistance with my townhouse), followed by a movie at my house (the Jackie Chan/Sammo Hung/Tony Leung Cool Hand Luke rip-off, The Prisoner). They left at 9:30, but my Deep Discount DVD order had arrived, and I just had to watch one of the MST3K episodes contained therein. I contented myself with “The Gunslinger,” but slipped in a few short films as well. I still wasn’t tired, so I watched the first episode of Zeta Gundam (which, like the first episodes of most Gundam series, was good but not remarkable, though I am looking forward to future episodes).

So now it’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m at least writing a journal entry before I go to bed, despite feeling only a little tired. I fear I’ll oversleep even more tomorrow morning. Well, I’ll be working late anyway in preparation for the Redemption club meeting at 7:30 p.m.

I wish I had a snappy ending for this.