Okay. Okay, okay, okay. I’m not dead. I didn’t come down with the Mexican Whooping Grippe. I was not abducted by cute, big-eyed alien girls and whisked away on a wild interstellar adventure. I did not travel to a distant land to avenge the death of my master. I did not stumble into a giant robot fight and get caught up in a war. I did not lose myself, and I did not find myself.