Long, long, long week.
Mainly due to work. I have essentially two duties there. One required a lot of work this week, and the other required a ton of work this week, most of which culminated in a Friday spent almost despairing at my work load.
I got it done, pretty much. I still have some work left to do, but I turned the tide and acquitted myself with honor. But it wiped me out in the evenings, which explains why I haven’t been writing in this journal much this week.
The other reason for my silence is that I’ve been rather more silent lately. I’ve been thinking about myself, and observing my routines and habits. I’ve been asking myself a question: Who am I?
That may sound trite. To be more clear, I’ve been examining my actions. How do I sit when I talk to people? How long do I take to get out the door in the morning? How do I spend my money in a given week? And what does that say about me?
The old cliché says that actions speak louder than words. One of the problems with old clichés is that they’re usually true but misleading. More accurately, people see your actions and give them a lot of weight. Your actions are usually given much more weight than what you say.
Moreover, if you say one thing and do another, it’s the action that you truly believe in.
So I’ve been paying close attention to my actions, and noticing when my actions don’t match up to my beliefs. For example, when I talk to people, I like to “zero in” on them, paying close attention. As I’ve paid attention to my actions, though, I’ve noticed that I tend to relax my body and sit/stand in a pose that signals uninterest. I lean back, put my hands behind my head, and so forth. This is because I’m trying to pay so close attention that I want my body as relaxed and uncomplaining as possible. But I’m sure it signals to other people that I’m not interested. So I’ve been changing my posture as I talk to people, and sure enough, they act more engaged when I talk to them.
So that’s a good thing.