Confronting My World

Feb 24 2006

I’ve rarely ever felt satisfied by my work, and I may be beginning to understand why.

I’ve typically lived in the future. I was always dreaming of adventures and what might be. That manifested in my love of science fiction, naturally, and my general demeanor. I was always trying to figure things out, to get to where things were going. Which is a bad habit in conversations. I rarely listened deeply and fully to others.

Over the past few years, I’ve been spending more time in the present. I’ve been focusing on that which occurs here and now, in the moment. I’ve been learning to concentrate on the words and actions of others, observing every nuance of body language and tone of voice. Not so I can “get to where things are going,” but so I can fully understand them. People have responded with great enthusiasm to this change.

So, I’ve broadened my focus from just the future, to also include the present. For the past few days, I’ve been widening that scope further to regard the past. What have I done today? What have I done this week?

This is not so that I can tally up a score for myself, exactly. It does let me look realistically at my work.

In the past, my work was never enough, because I was always looking at the future. Completed work wasn’t in the future, so it didn’t count on some level. Once it was done, it’s like it never existed. So I was forever chasing after work that evaporated in my hands.

Now that I’m including the past in my thinking, I’m much more content with myself. I see how much I really am accomplishing. I see that I really am doing all sorts of things that make me happy.

This doesn’t solve any problems, really. But it does make me better able to confront my world.

Comments:

Animom BRAVO! These sound like productive and positive changes.
Anonymous Perhaps you could make yourself available to other people who need help — money-wise, morale boosting, etc. You sound rather self absorbed.
Anonymous As an artist myself, I can understand some of your thinking, but you sound like a small voice in the wilderness. Get out there and quit being so whiny!
Gret I think the self-absorbtion [sp?] comes from the fact that this is a blog about his life, in my humble but accurate opinion.
Lara “This doesn’t solve any problems, really.” — I think figuring out more about yourself does solve problems, in a way, only these would be problems that others don’t see. And focusing on what one has achieved, as well as what one will, is a great step — accomplishment tends to be a good feeling, and that helps one’s mood overall.
Animom Problems solved may not just be present, but future ones avoided completely. Accomplishments no matter how small they may seem, encourage one to more. Most of all your honest thoughts and insight gained, can benefit others as well. Thanks for sharing from your life, Brent — struggles and successes.

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