Saturday, January 19, 2002

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I am embarking on a strange and wonderful journey, starting today. Perhaps I will not reach my destination, but I’d like to try.

Up until today, I’ve only once experienced a moment when I perceived a direction for my life. I’ve always been trying various skills and hobbies; anything that gleamed to my wandering eye, really. However, on October 9, 2001, while I was watching Kiki’s Delivery Service for the second time, I experienced an epiphany, in which I realized that my fundamental constructive skill is in creating worlds. Some people maintain; some construct great works of architecture; some interpret the world with canvas and brush. I present other worlds, through writing, sketching, or even programming.

However, I made a sort of mistake of ommission. Although that realization inspired me, I didn’t really act upon it. I went on with my life. I don’t know why; maybe I assumed that the power of recognition was enough to animate my life into doing those things I do. I may have written more, and been somewhat more focused, but I still saw myself as a questing young man.

Tonight, I had another epiphany, but this time, I saw myself. I realized that I haven’t started thinking of myself as a creator of worlds, as a writer and producer and all those things.

I have begun the process of shifting my thought patterns. I am now a writer (and artist, and anime producer, and programmer; but for now, I’m going to focus on my writer side). I’m trying to find ways of reminding myself of this belief, including sticking notes on the side of my monitors.

I must point out that I most certainly do not intend to limit myself to writing and sketching and making anime and such things. I can do all of that, in my spare time. But deep down, who I am, is a creator of worlds. And for now, the primary way I do that is through my writing.

It’s time to begin.