May 18, 2004

May 18 2004

A retrospective on BookFinder.com’s first five years in business.

I seem to be recovering from my long “blah” period. And I now actually have some time to write a decent journal entry! Yay!

Much of my frustration and mild depression lately has come from a basic question about my quality of life. Do I love my life?

Obviously, just living where I am, I’m tremendously blessed from a global perspective. I can eat whenever I want, I sleep in a comfortable bed, I live in a large apartment, and I’m pretty healthy.

From a social perspective, I’m doing well. I make about $60k, I live in a good middle-class neighborhood, and my job is interesting and ever-changing. I also have good friends and family.

But do I love my life? Not really. I appreciate my life. I enjoy it; it has its fun moments. But I really don’t love it. I don’t open my eyes in the morning and think, “God, I can’t wait to get started with the day.”

Much of it comes down to my job, I think. I really want to spend my time at home, writing and making animations. But my job keeps me from having the time to really do enough writing and animation to spin up and make enough money to support me.

On the other hand, perhaps I need patience. Perhaps it’s natural for this process to take a long time. Maybe I should just do as much writing and animation as I can outside of work.

But no. That doesn’t seem right to me. I feel like I’m sacrificing myself and my dreams for a desk and a job. This doesn’t feel right.

But I can’t bring myself to quit my job, or go part-time. Perhaps that’s just weakness on my part?

I don’t know.

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